Three First Dates with Ted Bundy
By Bryanna Licciardi
“Bundy had a chameleon-like ability to deftly change appearances—whether physically or with the help of costumes and props—which helps explain why the vicious killer was able to evade the law for so long. In the mid-1970s, the serial killer murdered at least 30 women across multiple states, baffling investigators for years.” - Adams Janos, A&E
Dunkin Donuts
I try not to stare but it’s difficult
because I can smell his
superglued mustache from here.
After I tell him about my job
as talent scout for cat-expert Jackson Galaxy,
he says in career limbo,
either running for a House seat
or next season’s The Bachelor.
A piece of rope slips from his pocket
and, as he leans to scoop it back,
he asks if I’d like to take this to his place.
I tell him I’ve got to run.
He replies, I’d like to watch that sometime.
Joe’s Crab Shack
He thinks I’m familiar.
If you’re lucky, he says,
we’ve never met before,
and laughs with big teeth,
pats my hand across the table
like I don’t get the joke.
But I do, so I ask for his help.
I’ve misplaced my gun, I explain,
pulling it from my purse and cocking it.
It looks something like this one.
Bar at the Olive Garden
This time his mustache is much larger
and flaps in the outdoor patio’s breeze,
which I fret is also compromising mine.
I pretend to cough, using a stiff hand
to press the stache firmer against my lip.
His injury is fake. I know this, because
he’s using the slinged arm to shoot his gin.
He’s smiling as he pushes the bill
in my direction. You might be the one.
I smile back and stab his hand,
kabobbing it to the check and table
telling him to keep the change.
